Da Resolution!

As it is the last day of 2018 I believe it’s time to reflect, and glance at the future. I know it’s quite the cliché to look back on your year and to also start planning ahead but guess what- it’s what big companies and CEOs do.  I am still trying to implement corporate strategies into my life so a balance-sheet is something, you bet, I would do.

What happened in 2018:

To begin with, 2018 was not an easy year for “V Ltd.”. It started with great losses and we had to take immediate action to save our goods. We had invested a lot in our partners and in our goals both in financial and emotional aspect which led to bankruptcy; but we realized a big part of having a business is taking risks. I suppose our greatest lesson for 2018 was how to take preventive measures and how to start valuing ourselves as individual business- unique and expensive. It was not easy but we found purpose and a pretty great morale and during Q4 we were back on the top with many new ideas and goals.

In other words last year January and February…ok, March as well, were very difficult months for me. I was rejected from the Academy of Film and Theater and had to deal with losses on a personal level. I had a completely new job at PMI, which I did not understand much about. I was suddenly managing a big office and being alone behind that big reception the days before New Year’s made me take immediate action to survive.  I spent very little time in spite surprisingly. I did not think about all those people who took away a piece of me, imagining how they celebrated new beginnings sweetly, while I was the loneliest person in the world. Instead, I got a book; I made some green tea and enjoyed myself in the quiet space of the empty office where I realized many things were happening. Needless to say, I had googled Philip Morris’s history like a hungry beast and found out things weren’t always so bright for the company. It had experienced losses but here it was now, launching new products and developing itself both externally and internally and I was allowed to take part in that brilliant world of corporate affairs. I mean, what was not to love: I had a chance to wear smart clothes every day, which is always a treat for me. I got to learn about something I did not understand (ended up being great at it). There were many hot guys in suits. My reception was next to the coffee break area (jugs of good quality coffee were a hand away every day). I had an amazing diva boss. I had direct communication with the CEO. I would have to be really stupid to think of anyone else but myself. In time, I got more and more curious about the strategies this company applied and one day I decided to apply those same strategies into my personal life. By April I already had made a plan and have started looking for ways to increase my chances at executing my dream.

During Q3 my company experienced tremendous preparation for its product release under the watchful eye of a great mentor and an exquisite CEO of another company, a.k.a Mickey.  I have never felt so happy being on my own- I felt freedom, sense of purpose and I could be myself without worrying if I am enough for someone else. It was time I devoted solely on my corporation and in time that sense of selfishness became my source of development.

By the time we reached Q4, we had already checked off some of the goals we had planned at the beginning of the year. All of our employees were happy and so were the partners who had invested in us. We finally reached a steady level of functionality.

 

The new agenda:

The new agenda is to upgrade the company’s product, so we will be focusing mainly on that. Furthermore, we have few major projects which we are currently trying to make schedules and deadlines for, using; you guessed it- GANT and PERT charts!

I like the day of New Year’s more than I like my own birthday. New Year’s Eve (as well as the beginning of a school year) has always brought joy to my heart as to me it means I can start over and I will probably learn many new things in the process. Also… I like fireworks a lot.

Development, inner strength, learning and lots and lots of cash flow is something I will make sure to be wishing for while I count off the last seconds of 2018. I am also hoping to receive and be able to give love. I will keep something in mind though and I hope you will as well: the execution of each wish we make, is entirely up to us. Here, a quote that seals the deal:

Happy New Year! Stay positive, happy and a bit aloof! 🎇

Why is believing in the impossible so important…

I have always been a firm believer in the impossible. I guess that’s one thing from my childhood that I preserved. Ah, childhood, that crazy fantasy we all lived in when we were kids…

My playground as a kid

I personally believed anything was possible, including my dolls coming to live. Every time before dinner I used to try to lure my dolls into exposing themselves by placing candied pumpkin in their small plates. The thought of the moment I would go back to my Barbie and find her plate empty would consume my mind throughout dinner.  I could play with everything and believe in its truth with my whole being. I remember this huge cotton carpet in kindergarten which was actually the stairs that lead to my kingdom. All the kids were placed in the center, playing with toys but little did they know they were actually my subjects which I carefully observed from the outskirts of the carpet. Sometimes, I would climb the top of the slides outside and pretend to control the wind with my mind. I can’t even begin to explain the feeling of receiving my first bow which my dad made from wood and fishing cord. Thanks to me the house was free from demon presence since my bow had purifying arrows…naturally.  I haven’t changed much since then I guess. I still try to control the wind and open elevator doors with the force. And, I have a professional long bow now. I still believe in impossible things. Life is still interesting. I wish we could hold on to our early- age selves for a bit longer. You might think that’s useless and strange and you are probably right for yourself but that ability has kept me going and helps me do my job as an actor well.

While to some pretending and believing in things is a waste of time it’s actually something that is building a mindset- the mindset of repetition. You have no idea how much pumpkin went to waste because of my tries to lure out some lifeless colored plastic but within that exercises was build discipline to repeat the same thing every night until actually getting results. For instance, throughout my dream to become an actress, especially in high school, many of my friends would try to convince me becoming an actress was unlikely. Some walked the path and stopped amid because they tried 10 times and things didn’t work out but I am still in the fight because of my mindset to repeat. It’s like playing a game: you don’t die and click “escape”; you start over and keep playing! In time you build skills and within that game you become the master because you’ve killed the boss from level 1 too many times- he’s got nothing on you anymore…it’s all the same.

As charming as my analogy is though I am aware things may become extremely difficult and painful at some point in following one’s dream and nothing is as simple as I am making it out to be. But, the point is that if you believe in something and you know within yourself that that’s the right thing for you- be it a profession or a person- then you should not let go. Remember good things cost more. It’s that exact mindset that I mentioned that will always lift you up when you need it. It will make circumstances lift you up not bring you down; use everything to your advantage.  Let me give you another example which I hope will help me conclude my point.  During the premier of Don Quixote, the actor who plays Sancho Panza taught me an acting/life lesson. One of the scenes had waiters bring golden plates with food to the table where Don Quixote and Sancho Panza were dining with a princess. Unfortunately one of the boys dropped the plate on the floor. Many actors would have ignored that moment since the boy just picked up the plate and left it back on the table. The actor of Sancho Panza was so much into character that he was living in that world thus the plate dropping didn’t go unnoticed. He kneeled down where the plate fell and started picking up imaginary food, saying: “What? It’s still good to eat…” Nobody noticed there was a failure in the scene. The audience started to believe the play even more since the actors believed in it and used any opportunity to prove it.

-The end.

 

P.S.

And, don’t forget to have fun in your game. Be unique and overlook some of the rules- just as my Diablo Amazon Pallas Athena was the only one holding a hammar…

Merry Christmas! Keep believing! 🙂

More about etudes

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It’s great to be an actor, in my opinion. Everyone has his or her own version and reason to be one, but I choose the reason Marlon Brandon so elegantly points out: “Acting-and living, and everything else, for that matter- is compassion. […] What is the heart of The Method is compassion, empathy. Go into your private moments and private spaces and realize all that you’ve felt and all that has been given to you and taken away. We will never murder; we might never give birth; we were not Napoleon. But within us are similar emotions, drives, feelings that can place us within adjoining heart-of a murderer; of Napoleon. Of anyone.”

I have always been particularly curious about physical theater (or etudes). At first glance it may seem easy and a bit pointless- you trying to express a situation that contains conflict and evokes emotion without words or imaginary objects and partners. The truth however is that this is the most challenging part of drama school but it’s also the most useful one, the core of the actor, the beginning of every emotion or spoken text. As I have been trying to listen carefully in my classes and read books on physical expressiveness, my passion for this grew even more, albeit I can’t say I am particularly good at it at this point. But, as usual, I am looking for the turth. Why am I so fascinated? Because it’s something we all do all the time- actions. I am doing it right now, as I type and sip my black coffee, and within my action there’s a situation:

1. Purpose- I am trying to express myself through writing this post.
2. Circumstances that refrain me from my task- coffee. I keep sipping it and sometimes when I am not paying attention it spills and it’s especially uncomfortable when I’m doing this in bed. I have to get up and change the sheets. That takes me away from my purpose.
3. Paradox- I can’t write without coffee, but it’s also the one thing that distracts me from writing.

You see how a great story can be created from something as simple as writing a blog, it can evoke an emotion and it can be interesting to observe…without the need for speech. Let’s work through this in depth and write down the whole story by also including the character’s biography. I will name my character Annie. I might add more interruption along the story to make it more comical. To my opinion it’s best if you can come up with at least three.

Annie is a low paid writer, who is also obsessed with cleanliness. She wakes up at the same time every day and does the same thing – brushes teeth and makes coffee- always double, always black and strong. Annie stays in her baggy pj’s all morning, puts on a very soft jazz on the record player and sits down in front of the laptop to begin working. First, the record player starts to lag. She leaves her seat to set it up again. Goes back to her chair starts to type and just when her thoughts start pouring out the record player lags again. She decides it’s useless to keep doing this so she switches it off completely. Annie goes on her chair again, a bit frustrated now; sips from her coffee and spills it a bit because it’s too hot…the coffee goes all over her screen, her tongue burning. To include the biography Annie won’t throw away the coffee because she can’t waist grocery products. She will also have to concentrate because otherwise she can’t earn money. She might be on a deadline, so I could add time pushing her, etc.

See the story can have different endings and the action can revolve only around the cup of coffee- she leaves it away and she can’t write. She takes it on the table and she does something stupid with it, and so on and so forth. It all depends on what you are trying to convey.

I think that in many situations we feel compassion by just observing someone’s actions and body language more than when we hear them talk. Talk is cheap nowadays- you can never be sure if people say the truth and it’s sad because we were given lips and tongue so we can actually communicate what we really feel. Now, it’s all about games and hiding ourselves behind meaningless shields which won’t matter much 70 years from now. I hate the fact that I can’t tell the truth myself sometimes because I follow etiquettes and all these social protocols- you can’t tell someone you like them because they might not like you back. It’s the most ridiculous thing- to not even be able to commit to a feeling and say with complete confidence that you love someone. Imagine- we can’t say the words “I love you”…  For the past few months I have been only taking into account people’s actions rather than what they tell me. What I see in their behavior I see in myself sometimes and that’s the only thing on my mind currently.

Two examples from the streets of Sofia this week:

Lady with a rose walked passed me and stopped in front of a garbage can. She left the rose on top of it and continued to walk. She made three steps and came back to take the rose from the garbage can.

A homeless mad man was walking around Vitosha (expensive shopping street in Sofia), suddenly changing his direction to go in front of a street violin musician. He stood in front of him and listened so carefully, like a child. The three of us stood there for hours.